Receiving the news that you have cancer can be a range of overwhelming experiences, it may be surprising and devastating or it can be a relief after months of tests, wondering and trying to get answers. Of course this also opens more questions about treatments, what will happen next and how life will be affected in the short and long term.
Hopefully you will have a supportive family, friend or partner during this time and not everyone does.
As a parent, how and when is appropriate to tell your children? Of course this will depend on their age. You may have a partner and family to talk through but not everyone has this.
I recommend some resources below with good articles about speaking with children at different ages and stages.
As a therapist to both adults and children, I would also be asking adult clients what they feel is best for themselves and their children. Your relationship with yourself and with each child will be unique and meaningful. What values do you hold that will influence your decision about whether to disclose, how to talk about this and when? Strength, wisdom, protection, honesty, patience, compassion, pragmatism and love are just some examples of values. This is a time to focus on yourself, to remember that I can be your choice about who to tell and when.
The period of waiting for test results is described by many as the worst, perhaps because it underpins our not knowing and that uncertainty can feel anxiety inducing and create fear stories about what’s happening next. Even with the diagnosis we cannot know what exactly the outcome will be. Grounding and maintaining a sense of normalcy can help.
If you have recognised that you or members of your family cope by trying to maintain a sense of certainty then you are not alone. I see this as a very natural human tendency. Controlling our environment in some way can give us a sense of safety.
There are many helpful and simple ways to incorporate mindfulness, reminding yourself that you are in the present moment and choosing to focus on yourself with one task at a time. Perhaps find breathing techniques and meditation methods that suit you.
Find safe spaces to talk about what’s going on for you. Talking with a supportive person, preferably where you can explore your own thoughts without opinion, judgements or their own experiences clouding yours. Many of my clients have said that they find relief being able to talk about issues like this with an independent professional for this reason.
Support can be found via the organisations below.
If you would like to book a session with me then please get in touch by email at counselling@talktherapywithclaire.org to enquire about availability.
These are some external links for further reading on discussing cancer diagnosis with children. (I have no affiliation or responsibility for information provided by external sources provided in good faith for informational purposes only).
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